turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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