Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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