im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
