I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
