I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
