i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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