You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
