She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize