i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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