so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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