i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
