I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
