I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
