The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
