Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
