Just cropdusted the office
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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