I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
