I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
