Sry I called you an 8
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
