Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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