Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
