Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
