Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
