i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
