I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
