if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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