I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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