So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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