I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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