I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
