Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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