they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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