I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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