he puts the penis in happiness.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
