I'm so fucking centered right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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