dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
