I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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