He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
