Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
