Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
