i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
well you can't waste a boner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
