Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
