You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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