I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
