This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
