this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
