This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
