3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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