6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
