just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
