I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
