we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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