just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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