I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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