considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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