I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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