Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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