I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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