im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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