I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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