He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You pole danced in your parka.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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