I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
