I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
