i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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