I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
