We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am available for nakedness
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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